It’s time for a deeper-level check-in than a haiku. At this writing, it’s day 46 of me keeping mostly to home, so we’ve had more than a Lent’s-worth of shelter in place; but even though the Easter candy is long gone, it feels more like Lent than ever. The early days of staying home felt like a gift — time to make the season reflective and prayerful at a new, more meaningful level. These last weeks, however, have felt more like a typical Lent — dry, with me as only a moderately-willing participant.
Difficult as it is to believe, it’s starting to show, even in the 17-syllables-a-day you’ve seen, that my introvert tank is full — overflowing, even. While I’ve learned that it’s enjoyable to be home more and to cook real meals more often; lack of human interaction is catching up with this introspective introvert.
Actually, the introspection tank is pretty much topped off, too; and that’s, no doubt, part of the problem. I’m a muller-overer — and I’m over it, which sounds even more ridiculous than the concept of having had enough alone time. It’s foreign territory to realize that as a champion over-thinker, I’ve reached the point where I need to do something.
It’s not that I can’t see that there are things to do around here. Good grief, there’s spring cleaning from 2002, a sewing room and craft closet full of unfinished projects — and always stray shoes and dirty dishes within my view. But it’s just dawning on me that what I really miss is doing something with someone.
Feedback is a big motivator for me, so accomplishing solitary tasks isn’t rewarding unless it’s something that can eventually be shared with someone else — and I can’t really invite folks over to marvel at my sparkling kitchen sink (for a few more weeks, at least).
For now, thank God for writing, because I really did figure this out as I wrote it out. It’s clearer now why I’m feeling restless, and that’s the starting point for knowing what to do about it. Noticing where I am is, at least, an anchor for beginning from here, and that makes me a slightly more willing participant in whatever comes next.